tavie.com

I was up in her room last weekend, clawing desperately through her books as I neared the end of my own current reading, and saw the huge, hardcover tome. My eyes lit up - I grabbed it - "Oooh! I've never read the unabridged version before!"

She stopped me with a warning, as serious as a fresh grave: "If you spill anything, if you get one coffee ring, if you leave it upside down, if you bend its spine, if you bend a single corner of a single page, I will kill you."

***

Just now, I reached over to turn out my bedside lamp and my night table fell over with a crash. Lamp, medication, sudoku, mechanical pencil, laptop - all fine.

Glass of water. 1990 hardcover Doubleday edition of The Stand: Complete and Uncut. It was the only thing that even got wet. Soaked up the water like a sponge. Already swollen to twice its side. It's the biggest thing I've ever seen. It's a bloated, wrinkled, sopping monster. I hadn't even cracked it open yet.

I am so, so dead.

Thank god for Amazon. A new copy - same edition - is already on its way.

I may still get my neck wrung, but at least I've taken the proper steps.

Labels: beware the ides, damp, horror stories, real-life nightmares, stephen king

Why are you in Tavie's head? 12:12 AM | shower me with attention